Listen via: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | More Platforms
Long Time No See: The Podcast is back and once again, we’ve found two stand-up comedians willing to sit down and let us blindfold them. The first is Will Burkart, a comedian and actor with a social media success story whose fanbase has exploded in the past few years to the tune of over a million followers. He’s joined by Nicole Aimée Schreiber, a multi-talented actor, producer, and writer who can be seen on Hulu, Comedy Central, and OnlyFans (for comedy!). She’s worked with too many comedy stars to list and has been featured in over a dozen comedy festivals — including the 2024 Netflix is a Joke Festival, where Will was also a featured performer!
The guests take off their blindfolds and kick off the conversation by bonding over the challenge of performing comedy for audiences that came to see music. Will recounts one experience he had opening for a band: “I went on stage and said ‘Hey guys, I’m Will, I’m going to do some stand-up’ and a woman in the front row looked me in the eyes and said, ‘Oh no…’”
Eventually they bring out the hard questions: Asked what they’d say if they could suddenly be the voice inside everyone’s head, Nicole jokes: “Who farted?” That prompts Will to ask if she farts on planes, and she’s emphatic in her response: “Oh, hell yeah! My body is like — first of all, I have IBS, so the fact that I’m not shitting my pants on a plane is crazy. So when I get on a plane, the pressure in my body is like, ‘What are you doing?'” Thankfully, she has a secret weapon against fighting against “Who dealt it?” accusations: “Nerds are the sleeper cells of farting. I don’t think anyone’s gonna look at me and be like this is the girl ripping ass. I look like I’m trying to figure out what to name the new TI-82 calculator.”
Both guests say they’re comfortable rating themselves as “not ugly,” though Nicole does acknowledge working on a joke about the pervasiveness of the male gaze: “The level of perfection that has been required of women throughout humanity is so much so that when the technology presented itself to either create breast enlargement or penile enlargement, male scientists were like, ‘We gotta do something about these titties. We can work on our dicks later, but we can’t keep looking at these flat pigs.’”
By the end of the episode our guests are ready to get serious and talk about the afterlife — or at least what kind of ghostly hijinks they’d get into. “I would haunt like a nice coffee shop that has a code to the bathroom,” says Will. “And when they’d get the code from the person, I’d change it on the bathroom.” Nicole opts to haunt a Weight Watchers instead, so she can put her foot on the scale when people are weighing in. “To me, that’s like expert level dad joke. I think I would want to haunt people just doing dad bits.”
Dead or alive, these comedians just can’t stop being funny. That’s why you should listen to the full Long Time No See episode with Will Burkart and Nicole Aimée Schreiber above, wherever you get your podcasts, or via the full video episode below. Show your support by following and/or leaving a review on Apple Podcasts or your preferred platform.
Long Time No See: The Podcast comes from Wes Brumbaugh and Jack Fink’s Long Time No See Comedy showcase series. The podcast was created in partnership with and is presented by Consequence Podcast Network and Los Angeles’ Gold-Diggers, which recently launched the Gold-Diggers Media production entity.
