It’s a good thing Anaconda isn’t meant to be a horror movie, because the few times it tries for such moments, it’s not great at it. The first reveal of the titular giant snake feels like an afterthought. The jump scares, while certainly startling in the moment, are pretty well-telegraphed in advance. However, the end result is a movie far less scary than its campy 1997 predecessor, but far funnier — on purpose.
Anaconda begins with Griff (Paul Rudd) hitting a new low point in his career as a struggling TV actor — despite looking like Paul Rudd, he can’t stop getting in his own way, and maybe lacks the talent to realize that. So he comes up with an idea, inspired by the sight of a “classic” movie poster he spots on a studio lot: Remake the original Anaconda with his childhood best friend Doug (Jack Black) on a tiny budget.
Doug was once an aspiring filmmaker, and he and Griff had plans to go to Hollywood together to try their luck, but Doug ultimately stayed behind for a safe, “B, B+” life. However, after Griff manages to find a copy of the horror movie they made together as 13-year-olds, some encouragement from his family leads Doug to sign up for Griff’s adventure, with their childhood best friends Claire (Thandiwe Newton) and Kenny (Steve Zahn) joining in to star and shoot, respectively.
With relative ease, this amateur crew is able to get together a bare-bones five-figure budget, book themselves a cruise down the Amazon on board a small boat, and even secure the assistance of a local snake handler (Selton Mello) and his beloved big-ass snake.
What could go wrong? Well, as anyone who’s ever been involved with low-budget filmmaking might guess, the answer is “absolutely everything.” In this specific case, though, the gang gets tangled up in a local crime story thanks to Ana (Daniela Melchior), a mysterious young woman who ends up captaining the river boat for them as a way of fleeing the men pursuing her. Oh, and also, there is a real giant snake around, and it’s hungry.
The involvement of Ana adds a little extra conflict to the story, but ultimately serves as a distraction; the meat of Anaconda, the genuinely fun stuff, is rooted in these four friends making a movie together, and rediscovering their creative passions. Probably one of the toughest challenges for any talented actor is playing an actor less talented than they are, but Paul Rudd and Thandiwe Newton manage to capture just the right level of awkward self-consciousness, while also using their scenes to draw out Griff and Claire’s own romantic chemistry.
Anaconda (Columbia Pictures)
Rudd and Black are predictably on their game, with just enough development for both their characters to make them feel distinct from their pre-existing movie star personas. Steve Zahn’s bumbling is also a solid comedy engine, and Selton Mello has the kind of energy that sparks well in an ensemble like this. The best surprise, though, is Newton, who doesn’t have a noted reputation for comedy (despite the occasional supporting role in movies like Norbit and many episodes of the animated Netflix series Big Mouth). Somehow, she successfully fights the script’s extreme lack of development for Claire to get in some delightful moments, from improvising a song about snakes to learning the value of a good headbutt.
Her character, like the others, is a huge fan of the original Anaconda in all its campy glory, and the way their fandom fuels the movie’s meta-commentary on director Luis Llosa’s opus leads to the movie’s best jokes, at least for those who enjoy such kinds of humor. Writer/director Tom Gormican, who previously also directed the equally meta Nicolas Cage action farce The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, knows his sweet spot.
One odd fact: While most of the 1997 movie’s cast gets mentioned by name, no one ever brings up the fact that it’s one of Owen Wilson’s earliest screen appearances. Maybe Gormican and co-writer Kevin Etten were worried that mentioning Wilson could upend the delicate balance of reality in play here, since Wilson has co-starred in multiple projects with both Black and Rudd. (Though in the case of the latter, Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania shouldn’t really count.)
There are touches throughout Anaconda that stretch believability: Like, for example, the idea that one of the amenities on board the boat that’s been rented for this expedition includes a working printer. However, it’s also a movie that invites you to put aside such concerns and just enjoy the antics. Going into the specifics of how Doug ends up running for his life from a giant snake with a dead pig duct-taped to his back doesn’t make that visual any funnier. It’s just funny.
That, coupled with some sincere sentiment about chasing your dreams and believing in your friends, makes Anaconda a silly yet successful enough distraction from the holiday chaos. A gag gift from someone who cares.
Anaconda slithers into theaters on December 25th. Check out the trailer below.
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